I never imagined that I would go out with a person that wore more jewellery than me. Anyone that knows me and how I covet gems and precious metal would understand this. And yet I am going out with a man with enough black rubber encasing his wrist to make a tyre. The other wrist is also full of half mangled rope.

I have just got back from babysitting my next door neighbour�s children. I could hear them singing Christmas songs and I thought �Arr sweet� for approximately half a minute before the festive cheer wore off and I willed them with all my will to fall asleep so that I could watch tv in peace. Every channel was full of news of prostitutes being murdered in Ipswich with all probability of them being serial killings. I have never been to Ipswich but my mother was born there. She pretty much escaped to London as soon as she could.

The other thing is I decided to stop my unfounded disparage of the band HIM and actually listen to them. They sound like a cross between a boy band and Bon Jovi with some really cheesy, cringey lines but it�s not as bad as I made out.

Soso