The past few days I have been even more clumsy than usual. In a chain of ungainly actions I spilled my drink, burned my thumb, stood up and onto a plug, my headphones wrapped around a washing rack which knocked clothes and my ipod to the floor. I stood in the middle of it like a pathetic loser. Also, it�s quite peeving that it can take about 7 seconds to turn a room upside down but an age to clean it up.

Today feels like a big let down. I had a great weekend with M. We went out winking, drinking, dining and fining, came home and used up all the heating. Oh yeah, and there were some rude things going on in the car. It was a nifty evening. Sunday we got lots of blankets and clothes to watch Grosse Pointe Blank and had lunch in a little caf�. We stopped by a farmers market and I was going to buy something and then remembered I gave all my change away the night before. It is funny how I sometimes forget I need money to make a purchase. Like I�m higher than that mortal coinage bartering system.

M rocks some monkeys and I am a lucky person. I wish he was with me more when I feel tired and cruddy and empty.

I had urges all evening at work to drop down suddenly and sit cross legged on the floor. It seemed so tempting. Sometimes when I think those kinds of thoughts I get a bit scared that they will override my common sense and I will actually do it. I remember being in primary school and willing myself not to stand up and drop down in assemblies. Gio had left me a message about fat women and feeders which went like this �what a tremendous night of telly, she was 59 stone. 59 stone!!!! And looked like a waterbed. Tell me you watched it�� Today he tried to give me a chocolate egg to start the feeding process. He then ate it himself. M, he did the little tie thing up on his coat. I swear I thought it was just you that did that and now I am in some befuddlement over the mind of boys.

I got a valentines picture from Fin of himself cross eyed and snogging the screen.

Soso