There are few topics of conversation which I am entirely unable to participate in. There are some that I can listen to but barely join in through lack of knowledge. Then there is matter that I not only do not understand but the moment anyone begins to speak I am bored and can�t even follow. The two strongest contenders of least able to converse in that regularly crop up are Cars and Sport. Both subjects remind me of physics lessons where I would nod wide eyed at words and phrases - Oh yes, circuitry connection, right � and be trying enormously to comprehend the discussion but ultimately failing. If this language was in print my eyes would automatically rove on to something else without my mind even registering. I want to listen to people that are talking to me and not be rude but this is difficult when everything from behind my eyes onwards has switched and been replaced with nails, paperclips, milk and all that is bland. It isn�t my fault. I did not empty out opinions, interest and ideas and replace them with milk! It was my natural bodily reaction so I am exempt from blame.

Really, there is something fundamental that I seem to lack when it comes to interest in cars. As long as it gets me from here X* to the fluttering raptures of Z I don�t care if it looks or smells like a big shoe. Well, maybe I would care if it smelled feety. My favourite drinking buddy was telling me about the boy she has been on a few dates with. He likes his car. I think he has said something along those lines to her and explained some special road grip contraption he has which stops the car going sideways. Why would he be driving sideways? I asked and she couldn�t understand that part either.

As for sport. Sport is worse than cars. Cars I have experience of travelling and throwing up in. Sport. Just. Christ. Recently someone at work said she liked my top and then immediately (taking back all manner of complimentary meaning and inducing paranoia) said that there was a really cheap sports clothes store next to a JJB sports on a big industrial place and that was where she got a lot of her outfits and that JJB were going out of business because Cheap Sport Clothing Store has many customers and they have none. WHY WHY WHY?! I mean, why tell me? I have never ever worn a tracksuit. Sport I can understand for those that enjoy it but non sport doing people wearing sports clothes is so absurd.

ABSURD and I don�t want to go to an industrial park

Or JJB

I think I mentioned before that I have terrible problems with retching when I touch football shirt material. My throat is seriously closing. It�s like when you think of biting a woollen glove

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

* I can do algebraic physics equations too with my X and Z and the nth term for that is 22. This is because 22 is the squared multiple simultaneous equation of a parallel circuit and the degree angle of light running along my set square or protractor thing which I always just ate anyway. I used protractor/setsquare things three times during school and ate approximately 7.

Melting my heart and knowing how to suck me in with the title.

Today I took my dog for a delightful stroll up to the cemetery and everything was lovely because I was wearing my new shoes and people were sitting outside in street restaurants and it was warm. Upon arrival he cocked his leg on a flower pot sitting atop a gravestone. He looked offended when I shouted at him about respect. Especially when he caught me smirking at Fanny Pilgrim and her monstrously gaudy tomb. I noticed that he is wearing the dog tag for Roxy who died a year ago. Haha big boy, you�re wearing a girl�s name on your necklace and if you get lost people will laugh at you.

How is a girl meant to keep up ridiculous looking beautifying methods when life gets in the way? I bought a cream which you are meant to apply for ten days in a row twice daily. It apparently slows down hair regrowth so my eyebrows will stay in perfectly shapely threaded condition for longer. This is possible only once a day if I am going to bed alone. There is no way I am gunking up my face if I am going out or sharing my bed or in the morning when I have a whole day of negotiating people that would point and laugh. Why am I even buying such a ludicrous product?

I really need some toast and a cup of tea

Inkysoso