Sometimes I feel as if everybody walking around is pretending to be happy. This doesn�t happen very often, just sometimes when I�m walking about. I guess it�s on days when I am upset or worried myself. Maybe it would be a lot different if I lived somewhere rural instead of North London. It�s so busy and I am in the middle of it. There are lots of street scenes and hundreds of people, shops, restaurants and buildings just by my house. On these occasions it�s the whole picture of everybody that I think about, rather than individuals. When I�m good friends with people I discover that they all have things making them sad. I�m not sure how to explain this without sounding like a twat. Today I went out to lunch with a good friend of mine. She is one of the funniest people I know and yet there are some moments when the plotting, inventing, joking and general messing around stops and we talk and I know that she has lots of Big Things making her very sad and that she spends time crying to a counsellor each week.

I am so sorry about that. I started writing this afternoon and then had to go to bed and sleep the depression off. You should be thankful that I went and slept when I did or it would be far longer and garbled and tearstained. I am in much better spirits right now. Praise to the spirits. I woke up this morning and lots of tiny things set me off. I think I have to work on my 21st birthday, I had a letter from the bank and I am reading this book. I�m really enjoying the writing, the author manages to discuss the tiny human interactions and thoughts in situations which make them seem so real and funny and sad. This is the problem with not drinking enough tea. I am ok if I have 5 cups of tea before I start my day and then top up the caffeine throughout.

I have been packing because tomorrow I am going to Liverpool to see M�s relations. What are the essential things that you absolutely must not forget when packing? Make-up, underwear and toothbrush? I think I can pretty much borrow anything else I forget from M. I am worried because (understatement of understatements) Remembering Things is not my strong point. I tend to infuriate people by forgetting Things. I write notes but forget to read them. M and I will be staying at his Grandmother�s house and sleeping in bunk beds. M says it is his turn to go on the top. This will not be our first bunk bed sleeping/sexing arrangement. We are experienced bunk bed canoodlers.

Did you know it�s National Insect Week? Yesterday I went to the zoo* with my sister, cousin and my cousin�s 9 month old baby. My God her baby is beautiful. Everybody says that about a baby they are related to but she has enormous blue eyes and almost too long eyelashes. It was a sunny day and she was shoeless. Her feet are so small and feet and so small! And real! Tiny, perfect feet. I absolutely hate feet but I swear hers were kissable. My sister tried to steal her but I think my cousin would have noticed and known who the culprit was. I love going to the zoo. If anybody wants to adopt me an animal please feel free. It is my birthday in a few weeks and I want an animal of my very own. I would adopt one myself if it were not for the previously mentioned bank letter. I know I have M and Betty
and Doris as my pets but I have room for more.

I wanted to reach into the cages and take the animals home and hug them to death. That reminds me of a Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny cartoon where they are running from an abominable snowman who likes rabbits. Bugs manages to slip bunny ears on Daffy and the abominable snowman says �I just want my own little bunny rabbit. I will hug him and love him and squeeze him and love him and hug him�. The tiny little monkeys are super-cute. All in all yesterday was filled with far too much cuteness. I am not up on using the word cute but there really is no other word for some of the animals. London zoo seemed to have changed the penguin sanctuary and I have no idea why. It used to be a massive attraction and now they are shoved in a tiny, murky looking pond. Hopefully it is simply being refurbished. The otter enclosure was amazing. I would love to be an otter living in London zoo. They have a waterfall, a waterslide and a swimming pool with log rafts in. They must have so much fun.

*The picture and first article on that link � Mcfly - who? Can someone explain to me please? I am a bit celebrity knowledgeable but� who?

I also apologise about my getting hyperlink happy. It�s my new-found skill and I am sure the novelty will wear off soon.

I just remembered a time in photography when there was some tension and my friend shouted out �COWABUNGA!� Then, a couple of years later the kid in the film About A Boy shouted out exactly the same thing to break the tension of an argument. Spooky

Spooky that is, unless I have totally just made it up and the boy never shouted out cowabunga and said something else entirely and it was only my friend that said it. I don�t know why I am wondering this. I should go to bed but I did a lot of napping today and am wide awake.

Inkysoso snaps, crackles and bodypops