Yesterday, after the beautiful lady sorted out my eyebrows I went shopping. I am quite excited because I bought a pen that is a giant sunflower. It is a foot long and has leaves and a big fake sunflower head stuck on. I am totally going to use it at work tomorrow and can�t believe I never thought about something like that before. If we all rebel in minor ways we might start a revolution (and I am always for that). We also might get sacked so lets keep the rebellions very small and wait for someone else to do something major. I went through a phase a couple of years ago of being obsessed with willing drama to happen. Even just sitting in a caf� I would be daring pictures to jump from the walls and break free. Speaking of which, why do so many places use Kandinsky�s Farbstudie Quadrate to decorate the walls? Yesterday I spotted it in the dentists, a diner and being used to sell a picture frame. Most heart going faster experience of it was opening my eyes, lying back in the dentist chair under the glare of the bright lamp and seeing it looming above me on the wall.
I also bought the sexiest sunglasses yesterday. Did I tell my sunglasses story before? I doubt it because it�s shit. They not only broke but broke in unusual flexible ways. The nose section became mysteriously unhinged. Because I am always ready for things to break free I was not that pissed off and quite impressed that they were preparing to live a gymnastic sunglasses lifestyle instead of the usual 9-5 summer months, unemployed in the winter one.
I really have to go and get ready now. I am meeting my friend and for some reason I am always rushing around panicking that I am not ready whenever I am going out with her. I think because one time a few years ago her mum commented that I was always a few minutes late (we were school friends) my brain took that in and ever since then I�ve desperately tried to be early. This always means that a huge pantomime of getting ready ensues and my general QUICK QUICK QUICK military style panics me and then I spill things down my clothes or wear shoes I can�t walk in or forget my wallet and have to go back to the house. So inevitably I am always a few minutes late even though in every other aspect of turning up for things I am incredibly punctual. I will have to update this later.
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I have been sleeping so badly recently. I�m getting between two and four hours sleep every night. It�s ok because I can spend lots of time lounging around reading while the whole world sleeps. I�m finding that by the afternoon I end up feeling like a zombie and then am wide awake again in the evening. I have always had fairly erratic verging on insomniac sleeping patterns anyway, it runs in my family. This is so boring I apologise. At the moment I feel like snuggling up in a big blanket and falling asleep.
In one of the pubs I was in today the band was setting everything up for their performance later on tonight. They kept doing that thing where they test if the microphones are working. Now I am no electronic music equipment tester (I wouldn�t mind though) but surely there are only a number of times you need to go �one two, one two� into a microphone. Is it really necessary to do that for half an hour? I think you are just showing off or love the sound of your voice. And I know it�s quite a sexy voice because I have heard you sing before but really, it�s getting irritating. I was getting all sorts of urges to call out BUCKLE MY SHOE and you really should not give me these urges, it is dangerous.
One of my university tutors was in the news today and for one of the best pieces of research I have ever heard of. It was about ducks quacking in regional accents. I honestly don�t know where to begin mentioning this without going down the obsessing about lovely ducks road again but !!! You know, my tutor, ducks, quacking, London ducks being raucous. It�s almost as if this research was done solely for me. I wish she had told me about this when I was in her lessons.
I have some mundane things to do now and I have been putting them off for an hour. Any one want to wash my bed linen for me? Anyone at all? What about hoover up the big pile of cactus gravel I spilled? The ironing? No me neither, especially not with the ironing. I am just wearing things from that pile to reduce it. Good tactics huh. I have a couple of tactics for making these more fun and I will share them with you because you can't tell me not to:
1. Adopt different characters. The ones that make me laugh the most are ballerina and clown. It's so hilarious to put clothes away whilst pirouetting. I guess this wouldn't be as funny if you were graceful. Be careful: this sometimes ends in pain and bruies when I try. Murderous Clown also cracks me up. Hey kids shall we juggle with the hoover?
2. Start a reward system i.e. iron 3 things, make a cup of tea, iron 3 things, jump on the bed for 3 mins, iron 3 things, have a conversation with the dog, iron 3 things, pretend to be the Russian obsessed man who comes in to the library and do a little march etc
3. Turn the music up incredibly loud and try and complete certain things by the end of each song
Ok, my list is lame and so am I but I am just trying to be helpful. Don't make me cry.
Inkysoso checking out your gravel pit