Today as I was queuing up to buy my shopping I was standing behind a quite nice looking guy. So of course I�m trying my best not to fall over and all the other things that I do because I really don�t want to look like a crazy in front of a hot looking fella (fella! Ahahaha, yes grandma) As if the Gods of humiliation could sense this was the case the checkout woman asked me to hold up a �CLOSED� sign so that no one else would get in the queue behind me. I was trying to look cool with my big CLOSED notice, all, yeah; I carry this around with me every time. Sadly, I was with my sister who stood back smirking and yelling out �HOLD IT HIGHER SO PEOPLE CAN SEE.� I then had to inform approximately 6,800,452 people that yes; the checkout was in fact closing. I noticed something about old people. They play the aged card quite well. Not understanding about the queuing system and so going to the front, not quite understanding the word closed because they are hard of hearing or partially sighted. But they sure as hell know how to haggle and make sure they are getting their moneys worth and get a trolley full of goods through a basket aisle.

What is it with all the dreadlocked and sandaled students harassing me to donate to the particular charity they are supporting. I get asked at least 5 times walking to the end of the street. I feel as if I have to defend myself and confess that I already give money to certain charities that I want to support etc They make me feel like a shitty, mean person on a daily basis. I want to say �look, this is embarrassing but all I have is student debt. I doubt that all these unwell children and adults will want my arrears but I will give it to them if they insist.� Plus, I get asked every time I walk into the supermarket to go to a portrait studio and get my photo done. Hmm, tempting! Shall I go and spend a few hundred pounds on unnatural looking, scary, made up, dreadful too big photos of myself and hang them around the house freighting the ghosts or shall I spend the money on drinking and shoes and getting photos of times that I want to remember developed for a fiver.

Christ on a bike!!!!!!! The spookiest (OK I realise it was a coincidence but still) thing just happened. The portrait studio people rang my phone as I was typing about them. Apparently a friend of mine has given them my number and as I am a buddy I am a free member for a year. They have my number and my postcode (what the fuck is wrong with me giving them my postcode?) and I believe that the portrait people are STALKING me. Stalking me with their long-lensed portrait cameras and camping out in my garden. I am seriously going to practice my kung fu moves on my friend.

I had a complete amnesia. Do you remember I said I ordered a few CDs from a cheap CD buying website? I deleted the emails and then within minutes completely forgot what I ordered. So I have a surprise present coming through the post for me. If I could only forget that I ordered CDs it would be like a mystery present buying fan who perfectly knew my taste in music adored me.

Dude I really have to get some cleaning done now. I just found thunderbird 2 in a shoe. Whoo I am a poet! Yeah, don�t you have thunderbird 2 in your shoe? It�s from all these pesky kids. I remember one time when I was at school reaching in to my school bag and pulling out 4 toy guns, a holster and a sword. I felt mortified and never left my bag lying around after that.

Inkysoso striking an alluring pose with her hoover and mop