I�m very honest about my absence of understanding on basically what I�m doing professionally. In this respect they give anyone a degree and it�s shockingly easy to get onto a postgraduate diploma type thingy (I start in September!). I am absolutely a perfectionist in the art of nodding and smiling encouragingly. Today, after about ten weeks, it dawned on me that one of my family worker children that I am supposed to know the fundamentals of is the daughter of a famous politician. I actually had thought before, oh, she has the same surname as�. It took the following thought process for it to become clear �it�s funny how he has that thing with the� and so does and they have the same surname� and first name� and��. Aaaah� A colleague told me that I say �OoooooooKaaaaay� when I am trying to buy time and frantically think of what is going on when a million expectant children are looking at me blinking.
I know that I wrote my last entry on here drunk. I can�t bring myself to read it to remember. That night I was sick at 1, 3, 6 and 7.30 am. With every step of my walk to work I thought I would either collapse or puke. At 8.30 I was doing a dance rehearsal for some lunatic style thing I have become entangled in which takes place tomorrow. The strength that it took me to go through with it and pretend all day that I was normal on the outside was a massive effort. I was shaking and my pores and every microscopic particle of me was oozing badness. My friend rang later to say she went home after throwing up four times at work and then slept for six hours.
This evening has been the first night I have been out with friends since. On Saturday night M�s chums came round to his and we watched Madagascar because thinking of going anywhere near drink was making my stomach lining churn.
I have ordered a big box of goods from Boots and in my sad world this is highly exciting. I cannot wait until it all arrives.
Soso