I got a bit of a scare a moment ago when I noticed the word LEG scrawled on my leg. Then I remembered that I wrote it on there half asleep in the early hours of the morning after attempting to coordinate hands and brain and write down my dream. In my semi-awake state I imagined labelling all my body parts but decided against it and that going back to sleep would be a better idea. I still think looking in the mirror and seeing NOSE, EAR, EYEBROW would be really funny although there would have to be a whole compost heap of explanation. This is a plan for one of your passed out drunken friends. In my group of friends this would be me as I have passed out twice and nobody else ever has since school days. One of those times I think I just fell asleep but unfortunately it was with a big group of people.

Yes! I remembered my dream! So if it works in that when I mention on diaryland something that I want to happen and then it does I have a whole list of things that I could note down. My dream was bizarre. I was in a shop and my 5 year old self dressed and looking exactly like a photo I have came up and hugged me. I didn�t even question the impossibilities of this. Then M stood next to me and I told him he had to pretend he didn�t love me because the dwarf would get jealous. There was a dwarf browsing on the other side of the shop and he kept glancing over. At one point he came over and I had to reassure him I loved him. M was upset and I said �It�s ok, tiny people scare me.� Then we held hands behind a shelf so that the dwarf would not be able to see.

Maybe I should not eat bananas before I go to bed.

I have an idea of why small people are infiltrating my dreams. I got a cheque through the post from a bonds thing my grandparents set up for me. Now that I�m almost 21 I get a huge cheque. In the same lot of mail I got a pack I sent off for from ActionAid with a photo and details of the child I could potentially sponsor. I don�t think I could have felt more guilty. What�s worse is it costs less than I used to spend on my phone each month and far less that I spend going out with my friends in even a week. I keep adding up things that it costs less than because it really is so inexpensive. The equivalent of 3 packets of cigarettes a month. I think I am a hippie at heart because I can�t stop looking at his photo. I think they sent me the cutest child in the world. He has shy eyes and looks as if he very much does not want his picture taken. He�s wearing a patchwork outfit with a little leather necklace. I think he is lucky that I am not really allowed to keep him. Besides, I think his family would miss him.

Yesterday I sorted out a photo album of holiday pictures. I came across this one I paparazzi snapped of M in a bakery in Cologne -

Don�t turn around because THE LEOPARD MIGHT EAT YOU

I don�t have a scanner. Ok, that�s a lie, we have a scanner and not only that but a negative scanner too. I don�t exactly know how to use them. Things break when I go near. Spontaneous combustion occurs close to me so it�s far better for all of us if I do things extra complicatedly. Basically, I took a photo of the photos with a digital camera. That is why there are flashes and reflections and whatnot. A quite funny thing happened with this photo of me �

Yes, a shark has bitten a chunk out of my head. That is one of the many perils of being a pirate. In this photo I am simultaneously pretending I can read a map and speak German. I got the skills to pay the bills. By the way, despite the quite scary artwork this was a 4* hotel and generally luxurious and lovely. I think I would be happy if I could be a career international diva. Or a gecko superstar. I know you know I only wanted to type gecko superstar and I know you know that I know you know so lets leave it.

Inkysoso changed some cartridges in the printer and remained ink free! Apart from a little orange streak. And that I got my mum to do it and I just watched. And there is an inky LEG on my leg. Ah, can�t all be perfect