Lets not
NO come on lets�
Talk about sex baby
Uh ok but I would prefer to do the tickety boo
What are you talking about?
I just don�t know
I am upset because I haven�t been able to recollect any of my dreams recently. It�s a shame because my dreams are generally hugely amusing. To only myself, I know, but that is good enough. My favourite dream of the past few months is the one which featured enormous strawberries suspended in giant blocks of ice. Lovely surreal floating strawberry and ice dreams should be cherished.
Oweee I have a headache. It�s a LET ME GO TO SLEEP kind of pain. No brain, we are staying awake.
I am meant to be babysitting but something terrible happened to the father�s sister and so he had to travel to Bristol. The other evening I babysat and a few days later asked the boy if he remembered I came to his house. He said �yeah, you told me off because I hit my brother�. I read �Football Around the World� and a creepy Letterland occupations (Poor Peter drives a police car) book and was very nice and kind and tucked him and his 7 soft toys in and all he can remember is that I told him off for being a violent brat?!
Here is a computer conversation I just had with my boyfriend:
M says:
i really like it
M says:
really REALLY like it
M says:
so so SO much
M says:
to the point of near-ejaculation
M says:
when you shake yo' ting
So says:
what the fuck are you talking about?
M says:
dunno
So says:
where did you get that from?
Mt says:
my buhrain
Sophie says:
Freeeeeak
This is all very bitty. I cannot do simple train of thought. I am all for the bits. Go bits go!I am currently reading Success by Martin Amis which is still an eerily relevant comment on society even though it was written in 1978. I am also reading �KICK BOXING THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO MASTERING THE ART�. You know a book is going to be good when on page 4 there is the following:
DISCLAIMER The authors and publishers� accept no responsibility for any injury or inconvenience sustained by any person using this book or following the advice provided herein.
I have (alone for apparent reasons) tried out some of these moves. I only got this book because I thought kicking some box would make me laugh and I have not been disappointed.
Oh! Oh! Oh! I almost burst a spleen (my spleen? how many spleens does one have?) last night watching a programme called something like �101 Things People Have Got Stuck In Their Bodies�. I laughed so much and watched the whole thing from behind my hands. Before the start of the programme and on every advert break Annoying Voice Lady drivelled �This programme contains scenes which some viewers may find distressing�. No shit! Lets look at the title.
Narrator: What are the chances that a man could pull an anchor out of the sea and get it embedded in his head?
Me (screaming): A VERY REAL CHANCE!
Narrator: Moris needed to go to hospital fast but with the anchor stuck into his skull it took some time
Me: HA HA SNORT HA ouch my spleen!
Quite disturbing was the guy who was impaled in the face by his pitchfork whilst out hunting frogs at night. Quite disturbing because why was he out hunting frogs? Frog hunting? With a pitchfork? Do these people not have drinking venues? Televisions? Books? Sex lives?
I am glad that the frogs were alright and he was speared. Frog hunting weirdo.
In one of the breaks there was a car advert which said �Everyone despises tractors� Ah wait, are we forgetting someone? I think I was left out of this survey because I would far rather own a tractor than whichever poncey car they are trying to sell. How impressive I would be astride a tractor with a little flat cap and boots. I do not want to buy your car because you have dissed the tractors, man. Don�t go disrespecting the tractor or you will have me and the whole of Norfolk to answer to.
Reading back this has been a collection of quotes that I have heard recently and my subsequent questioning. Maybe I wonder too much about some of the things I hear or read.
Grotty -
Moving away from the quotiness I just, for no reason that I can think of, thought about a time when I was waiting for some man to get out of a shop door so I could walk through it when he burped extraordinarily loudly above my head. My friend thought he had said hello in a gruff voice such was the burp power.
Great �
While I was doing something kill me now boring at work this evening my sister�s boyfriend came in to see me because he was in the area. Even though his bus stop was a little walk away and he had worked a 10 hour day. Not only did he come to see me but he gave me the Beastie Boys Anthology and interrupted the deadly dull for 20 minutes and made me laugh. He has beautiful hair like Pocahontas and smells like cinnamon.
Great number 2 (because you have to out-great the grotty) �
Also at work (how 2 great things can happen at work, whilst I am working I do not know), one of my favourite non-crazy regulars told me he was getting me some bangles when he and his family go back to India at the end of the month. Thank you lovely person. I am a little worried as his cute spiky haired baby daughter is in hospital. He will tell me how she is on Saturday.
Great number 3 �
My boyfriend. Because EVERYTHING and I am a dweeb. Sadly not rude dog and the dweebs. I am having cartoon watching cravings.
Diaryland perils
Sometimes I go to the diaryland members area and look at some other diaries. I skip anything with a name like wolfbabe, ravenheart, dismantleme, seemebleed(!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW ABOUT NO THANKS), cryingheart etc Then sometimes I open one with a good sounding name like ratbag and it turns out to be all boohoo my mom and dad just don�t understand�.. I love him! Or it�s �well, so me and Marissa went to the mall and then we saw Jason, oh my god oh my god and we hung with Jason and Casey�
But worst of all is sometimes there are artfully arranged photos. One person said �I just picked up my camera�� yeah, what, while you were in the shower, naked and then you angled it all pretentiously and then made it black and white. I love photos but that kind just makes me want to scream.
My head is screaming too. I have taken panadol but they haven�t kicked it. My head will also be screaming tomorrow when I have to get up early and go to a dreadful super store and buy a TV for my little sister's birthday. I do not know which super store but as long as there are women with plentiful gold hoops and tracksuit bottoms I will know that I am in the right place.
Inkysoso understands the difference between being sorry and being sorry she was caught