Last night I went for my first ever driving lesson. It went better than I thought. I had assumed I would be useless and run someone over so there was a lot of scope for it to exceed my expectations. I wasn�t that bad. I could steer, start stop, accelerate and just about change gear. I have never really needed to learn because living in London means that there is a bus or train to pretty much every destination I would want to go to (and plenty to places I very much don�t). Student finishing times dictate that occasionally (ok mostly) I finished absurdly early in the day time. Unless you often venture on London buses you could not even begin to imagine the various life forms that are your travel companions. In the middle of the day they are at their crazy people on bus peak and there are a fair few religious crazies. They like to sing. �TO MY EAST TO MY WEST TO THE VERY VERY BEST JEEEAAAAYYSUS CHRIST TO MY NORTH TO MY SOUTH� This was one of my very favourite Jesus songs because the guy did hand gestures as well and I wanted to shout �Yo people! Lets all join in with these funky moves!�

Does anybody ever play that game where you imagine that somehow the whole world population dies (say it is hit by an incredibly selective meteor which leaves just your bus) and you look at all these people and sum up future life as it would be. Sometimes scanning the pick of the crop I think holy shit I would have to be celibate until death. I wonder who I would be friends with. Mrs CHATCHATCHATTING on her mobile far too loudly in Bengali in my ear would be the first person I would EAT if times got hard. Only joking, I think I would avoid her though because by Christ she�s annoying and destroying my right ear drum. What about the guy with the ominous holes in his trousers and belly hanging out? Would he be friends with me? And is this such a wrong game to play? I get incredibly travel sick (seriously if I am in a car I want to throw up before we have left the drive) so I can�t read or do anything that involves a lot of concentration and I have to pass time somehow. Maybe I could masturbate to while away the minutes like some of the guys that get on (and get it on) but that would be one step too far methinks. The best thing is listening in on, uh I mean overhearing people�s conversations.

An Example of Quite How Dumb I Am

I was washing my hands and the soap dispenser didn�t seem to be working. I started pressing it vigorously (as you do) and then a whole heap of it projectiled out onto my leg (hmmmm there must be a joke in here somewhere). So then I had to wash it off and had a huge damp jean leg area and it did not make for the most comfortable couple of hours of my entire life. I also realised how absolutely useless my hairdryer is as a drying device. My hairdryer was especially cheap and does not have a cool setting, or it would seem, a hot setting. It pretty much just limply blows out air at room temperature in a similar fashion and strength to someone blowing on my head. My old hairdryer actually blew up in my hands one day. �AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FIRE ELECTRICITY FIREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!� There are certain situations where I discover exactly how much of a girl I am.

You know how some people are of the predisposition for embarrassing things to happen to them often. I am one of those people. If I am in a situation with a potential for heightened humiliation I get prickles of fear because I know that it will happen to me. For example walking on cobbles in heels or being near the edge of a boating lake. I think much of it is my own outstanding clumsiness and not actually the hand of some unknown force working against me. It is much nicer to blame something else though �those fucking cobbles all cobbley and trying to unbalance me. It�s not like we�ve just been drinking for 5 hours or I am wearing higher than high hic heels�

Today I left the confines of London and went to Hertfordshire. I accidentally wrote Hertfordshite then. I went with my mother, sisters and aunt to St Albans. There are some pretty shops there. Without doubt the best part of the day was visiting the little river near the cathedral. As I may have mentioned the duck is my favourite animal. There were hundreds of ducks, swans and geese. Not just your average, ordinary ducks some very strange and almost prehistoric looking ones. Their faces were seriously dinosaur like. They were so tame and sometimes got scarily close. Not that I�m a wimp or anything but those swans are large and powerful looking and have fearsomely elongated necks. I�ve heard they can kill OK. The ducks though, oh the ducks! They had babies and what in life is cuter than a mummy and daddy duck and lots of little babies? Nothing, I tell you, nothing is cuter than that. It�s the waddling and everything. Seeing 6 little ducklings lined up on the grass sunbathing fills my heart with happiness. I will not go on although I really want to talk about the babies being fed and the swimming and diving and fluffing feathers but I realise that not many people share my love.

I know this is still about the ducks but my friend had some! As pets! And so did my cousins but they live far away on a farm. I watched them being incubated and tiny and then bigger and flying off to the park (not all on the same day, of course). Maybe this is where the love began.

How cute?

Moving on for definite now�

It is bank holiday and I have booked Saturday off work. M will be here soon and I have a few days of loving and doing touristy things and being in bed and general happiness ahead. I don�t know where that boy is, he should have slacked off work by now. I bought him a poster today of tiny pictures of lots of nakedish women and everything so where is he and where is the sex? I am here ready. By jove old chap I have written far far too much. I always begin and think I have nothing to say. And I don�t have anything to say but I manage to stretch the voidance of information out for a long time. So I will go

BUT

Before I do I just remembered about my dream. As I was waking up this morning I thought �So in conclusion, you can�t grow love on a sausage shaped stick.� That sentiment was still in my mind as I woke and totally baffles me. Are my dreams like essays with introductions and conclusions and more importantly, MORE IMPORTANTLY sausage shaped sticks growing love?!!!!! I think that there is no hope for me and my subconscious. I�m not really that worried because it provides me with thinking matter as I clean my teeth.

This is Google images idea of a sausage shaped stick (insect)

To be truthful, YUK I hope this was not the unglamour of my dream

Inkysoso aint no hot hotdawg and oooooooh M has just walked in