Today, babyless and dressed solely in t-shirt, 2 sweatshirts, dressing gown, scarf (!!), boxers (don�t ask) and blanket it has been somewhat FREEZING. What is worse is that I have a window I cannot close. I need to get a candle and rub the wax along the runners* but this all seemed like too much effort when my fingers were all but bleeding from the cold.
*I gots skillz
Speaking of my fingers I am still having a few hand washing issues. My hands are in a constant state of peeling despite very liberal coatings with hand cream. The other day I purchased the strangest hand cream in the history of soothing lotions. It is called Smith�s Cremolia and shares a lot of properties with slime. It actually drips and gloops which is a lot of fun for a complete saddo such as myself. Googling Cremolia resulted in only 8 pages which is possibly the lowest number of hits on anything I have ever Googled. It is even less than �big fat apple headed moose fucker� which produces a whopping 669 results. What is going on people?! This is what someone called Allan said about Smith�s Cremolia
If you are shy about buying KY, there's another old-fashioned water soluble hand cream available available from Boots called Smiths Cremolia. I have used this for years for both putting an and removing my neoprene drysuit. My wife also uses it on the latex neck seal of her membrane suit to stop the chafing that you are experiencing.
With no knowledge of anything remotely in the region of water sports I am hoping to high heaven that a �neoprene drysuit� and a �membrane suit� are outfits apt for bedecking oneself in for that kind of occasion.
Oh god, are they? Thinking about it now I am too afraid to Google and check.
Yesterday my friend invited me to something which I cannot even mention the name of as it is so stunningly shaming. I even blurted out �do you know me?� which is something I have never seriously asked a close friend before. Also yesterday the colleague of mine who I have a please don�t come near me BACK AWAY CRAZY relationship with wore a jumper which even for her, even in this planet where some of the strangest objects and creatures exist shocked me in a way that a jumper has never shocked me before. It was nude (a grey nude, corpse flesh maybe), loosely knitted � that is to say knitted by a blind llama, covered in large bobbles like elephant nipples (I imagine) with a polo shirt neck and a white seam running through.
This is an incredibly talented artist�s impression.
Today I went into town with my mother and a lady fell down in front of us and sliced up her arm
DRAMA
EMERGENCY!!
She was quickly lifted and sat down and an ambulance was called (it was fairly horror movie gruesome and she looked as if she was about to pass out). There was a lot of blood trickling down her arm. Even though I am a grown up and have grown up jewellery and shoes I still snivelled �AAARGH mum there is BLOOD!� because she makes things better. I do not know if that lady made a recovery but the good news is I bought myself a pretty petrol green top.
Inkysoso gets the important things right and is getting laid tonight